Physical, mental and emotional, I suppose. We admitted my father into nursing facility at least temporarily yesterday and I came home and simply went to bed. Not that I actually slept right away. More just sort of stared at the television and/or read for several hours until my brain and body started working again.
Physically, he’s doing better. At least his fever is down but he was still sleeping a lot before he left the hospital and still seems to be having a lot of problems eating. I finally decided that before I attempted to bring him back home, he needed some rehab to figure out if I actually can manage him at home at this point. Not to mention, maybe they can get his meds balanced which is what got everything all out of whack to begin with. His doctor, who is going to be his doctor at the facility he’s at, YES, seems to believe he developed delirium last week triggered from his meds being so out of kilter. So, it may take a while to find the right balance at this point to control his behavior. Personally, I don’t believe he’s completely over the delirium, which is why I wasn’t comfortable bringing him home yet where I wasn’t trained to monitor his condition closely enough. And this way he’ll be closer to the therapy he needs and all.
Do I sound like I’m still trying to convince myself it was the right decision? Well, I’m not. Truly. I knew it was the right one when I saw he actually had his eyes open and looking around for the first time in almost four days. Yes, I’m a little sniffly at times but I think that’s more exhaustion speaking. And maybe even just a tad bit of relief that he was responding to the world again. Of course every time I think about having to run some of his clothes by there later today I tense up so maybe I’m just kidding myself there. It’s probably normal though, so I’ll deal.
Now all I have to do is get really rested up for a possible visit from my mother and sister this weekend.
Oye. 😉
(They would’ve been here during all this last week but Mother had just had her foot/toes operated on recently and couldn’t yet get persission to travel yet. Not even sure they can this weekend. We shall see. Can we say conflicted wishes on my part here?)
Get some rest. There are no easy answers. My mother lived with me for five challenging years. Last year (emphysema issues) she spent two months in hospital, two weeks in asst. living (a huge mistake in hindsight) and ended up back home under hospice care. She died in December, in my home. I never thought we could do the 24/7 bedridden-invalid level of care at home, but with the expensive help of hired sitters we got through 4 1/2 months of hospice. I’m still trying to sort through everything that happened and all the feelings. Mother had never had dementia issues until the last few months of her life; then, all the meds and the illness overwhelmed her and she became both confused and furiously paranoid at times. To the point where she tried to hit me and threw coffee at a sitter. If you knew my Mother you’d know how totally opposite that behavior was. The hospice doc put her on heavy psychiatric drugs and that got her back to some semblance of lucid normalcy. It’s truly devastating to care for an elderly parent who is not only failing physically but loses even that sentimental and affectionate side that made you love them so much in the first place. Take care and don’t beat up on yourself for anything you’re feeling. You’re right to feel numb, exhausted, etc.
I’m glad to hear that your father is starting to come around. Take some time for yourself to rest and relax. I can’t imagine the kind of decisions you have to make on a daily basis and what Tara Marie says it right. Our parents were larger than life when we were kids so watching them get older feels wrong.
Take care of yourself.
CindyS
yikes, it’s been rough for you. It’s very hard making decisions for your parents. It simply feels wrong.
My dad’s been in and out of hospitals for the last 5 years. Don’t be surprised by off kilter meds causing all sorts of problems. At one point my dad was in ICU and his meds threw him into a psychosis that had him convinced the poor man next to him was some sort of robot that the doctors needed to kill. Scared the heck out of all of us.